Wednesday, April 22, 2015



Through B/X Blackrazor, I came across this.

Lately, I've been constantly on the look-out for ways to promote my books, promote the blog, promote anything about me that I can.  So I thought, well, 200 words to describe an RPG?  That's a joke, right?

So I sent the joke RPG I had put together three years ago.

After all, there it is, pre-made and ready [link given to enable finding comments to the original post].

I told Mr. Schirduan that I didn't care about his prizes, but a mention of me or my books would be prize enough.

Heard back.  Mr. Schirduan did not understand.  Did not see how this could be a role-playing game.

I wrote back, saying sorry.  That I hadn't realized he actually wanted rules.  Whereupon I got an answer back, that whatever this was, it would be a pretty terrible game.

Wouldn't anything of 200 words or less be a pretty terrible game?  That's what I asked.  The answer came, encouraging me to take his contest seriously and give it a real try.

And this . . . this . . . is why I avoid the community.

I am too busy taking my own world seriously to invest my time and effort in order to win this fellow's approval.

As you move through this life, you may feel reassured that there will always be someone else who will assure you that your future lies in taking THEIR agenda seriously.  You may be sure they will tell you how 'fun' it will be and how much 'you' will get out of participating.  Because, obviously, Mr. Schirduan's primary agenda is to make your life better.

This is part of why I am a terrible marketer.  I have trouble redirecting the responsibility onto others.  I have trouble taking a smug attitude about how much my book will do for you.  "Yes, without my book, your world will be terrible.  Without my book, you will never be a good DM.  You should seriously think about my book, because of what it will do for YOU.  You'd understand that, if only you'd take my book seriously."

Well, I guess I'm doomed to fail.  Because none of that is true.

I have written a few books about D&D.  They contain details and discussions you won't find elsewhere . . . just like this blog.  They will cost you the same amount as your morning coffee for one, maybe two weeks.

Each includes somewhat more than 200 words.

Apparently, I'm missing a gimmick.

Let's see.  Let's have a contest.  Design a national constitution sufficient to cover all the needs of a country larger than 200 million.  Please be specific and account for all variables.  200 word maximum.  The winner receives a bootleg copy of a 70-second porn video featuring a bullwhip and a strap-on.

Submissions due by 5 a.m. April 23!

Good luck!


  1. That's April 23, 2065, right? I'm there, dude.

  2. Wow...I actually laughed out loud three times reading this. The salmon game (you ARE funny, man), Mr. Schurduan *not* getting it (wow), and your contest (which is fabulous). I'm chuckling just writing this comment.

    Um...your first link in the post appears to be going to the wrong place (a map of Palestine), just BTW.

  3. Thanks JB. Fixed the link.

    Sorry, Jomo - by my count, you have 12 hours and 51 minutes to get your finished constitution to my email.

  4. I also forgot to put a word maximum on the contest. That's fixed, too. 200 words is the obvious limit.

  5. Having actually gone and read some of those submissions, Salmon would stand proudly among them. At least in Salmon I know what my character is, instead of having to assume some enigmatic minimalist "persona."

    For fuck's sake: this isn't fiction, people. You aren't trying to get a reaction through the EMOTIONAL, MYSTERIOUS content of the rules themselves, but rather through the situations the rules enable. The rules ought to be set down concretely, with edits not being made on the fly unless it's to cover something unexpected, and then only with clear indication that something has changed!

    If the rules clearly state that Bob Fighter will die if an attacker rolls 4+ on d8, you bet your ass the party will be tense when it happens - they know the stakes!

    But I've said this a hundred times, and you a thousand and one.


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