What do you do with a Dungeon Master?

Let's catch up.

My offline campaign exploded two weeks ago and the fallout has been absolute.  I have no more offline campaign.   Before that had happened, I was planning on going on a vacation at the end of May, and then that didn't seem to be working out ... and then I made an arrangement with my work and I've been slaving at that since, oh, Thursday last week, and now I can breathe and I'm going on a six-day break.

I wrote a couple of posts last week that caught my feelings for then, which I thought I'd continue but now there's nothing left to say except that I disagree with some who say that the being in the present can only prepare you for the past.  I don't think that's true.  We can't know what's going to happen in the future, but the present, and the past, helps up build a better seat-belt for it.

The last time I had a game blow up on me, I was 29.  Less than half the age I am now.  That seems incomprehensible to me ... that all the chaos and confusion of those first years of D&D, between 1979 and 1993, represent less than a quarter of my lifetime.  It's easy, when you're 29, to assume that when your players walk out (they had a meeting among themselves and then I was informed), that obviously you're going to keep playing the game, obviously you're going to find another party, obviously it's no big deal, because as people age into their 30s, they often think they should stop doing the things they did when they were kids.

But here I am, not quite actually 60, and it really isn't so obvious that there's going to be another game party in my future, or even that I want one.  This is a sobering thought.  I have thoughts of the game, which I love, and the concept of the wiki, which I love, and the maps, which I love ... and the cold, stark, inflexible reality that for the present, for this moment, I have no immediate application for any of these things.

So.  I'm thinking.

I came to a conclusion last Christmas that it would be stupid to stop writing this blog, so I'm not going to do that.  The Streetvendor's Guide is a brilliant book, which has to be written, so I am going to continue writing that.  The wiki is the conduit of the experience I've accumulated through years of living and playing D&D, so that's not going away and deserves my attention.  Making the maps just feels good, in a way I've tried to explain, but which I know many cannot understand.  Nonetheless, I've found an outlet in that direction for a consciousness I like owning, so I'll continue to make maps.

But for the present, I'm in limbo.  What do you do with a dungeon master when he stops being a dungeon master; what can you do with a dungeon master who retires?  Who's got a game for a dungeon master, when he stops being a dungeon master ... 

There are always ways to keep busy, of course, and I'll follow them.  Patreon has invented a chat room, which I've pitched here before.  There are just four or five of us altogether, from the much larger number that support me to the tune of $3 a month.  It would be a better format for running an online game than either a blog or a wiki, but I can't say I'm interested.  Somehow, the online process has left me cold.  I assume that presently, after some time has gone by, that I'll get itchy for a game ... but there's always some public club, if I want to let a bunch of 5e players boss me around.  Gawd, I'll have to be pretty hard up before I jones that hard.

Sorry.  "Jonesing."  To have a strong desire or craving for something.  I'm very old.

And so are you, if you didn't need the definition.

Still, I'm here for the weekend.  I figure I've written some 28,000 words in the last 6 days, and edited about 40,000 more.  I may take a couple of days and do a jigsaw puzzle or something.

Saturday Q&A (may 11)

Bob in Ohio writes,

Assume a players comes to you and says "I've noticed there aren't many sheep farms in this area and as a result wool clothes are more expensive than in many other places. How can I go about importing wool (in some form up to and including clothing) or starting a sheep ranch?" I'm using sheep/wool as the example but it could be any of a myriad of raw materials and finished products. I know you did a series years ago on how to start a settlement which provides some guidance but wondering if you could flesh it out a bit from a DM's position as to what/how we'd need to provide to the PC?

Answer:  Briefly to start: 1. Identify what any of the players actually know about the sheep business. 2. Identify the practicality of raising sheep in the desired locale. 3. Locate a place where sheep/wool is produced in abundance. 4. If the players wish to merely import wool, point out that this has expenses incorporated, and that their desire for profit will likely not benefit the target location, but could make the players money. 5. Determine if there's a demand for wool at the target location, as the residents there may very well have gotten along without it. 6. As the DM, determine the price at the place of origin the players select. 7. Identify what the costs of transport are. 8. Let the players have at it.

It's very important to understand that doing business by the numbers is a dangerous proposition. Even if the game's metrics on prices from one part of the world to another are necessarily simplistic, this doesn't mean the DM is restricted in the manner in which the player's wishes are carried forth. Numbers might tell the players about trends that are in place, but they can't always account for unexpected events. Different areas have distinct costs of living, or taxes and regulations. Apart from transportation costs that are ascertained ahead of time, disasters can wreck roads, social troubles may temporarily suspend travel, while certain remote locations may prove unexpectedly difficult to reach both geographically and in terms of making the most of the market once getting there.

If a single market town has only a few hundred people, in a very large region the size of Ohio (with a commensurately lower population), we wouldn't expect all the people in Ohio to travel their for their goods. Most would sustain themselves without ever going to market. Bringing a hundred swords to a remote location because the prices are twice as high may still mean that only one person at the destination actually wants to buy a sword. And of couorse, there may very well be another NPC group right now in the process of doing this exact same thing, creating competition the players didn't expect.

I think fairly that players should be entitled to make one good profit, all things being equal, so long as their first venture is reasonable modest and they're diligent with their practices. Players who go all in with everything they own to take an extravagant cross-continental trip with imaginings of swimming in gold a la Scrooge McDuck may fairly be educated from the outset ... but on the whole, I'm generally of the opinion that the first one or two times, the matter is best brought off with a minimum of hitches. Thereafter, however, we can roll a d6, to see if a '1' comes up, to decide just how much awfulness we want to put between the players and their goal.

Once upon a time, in a game of Traveller I played, the Referee was so benign that we simply manipulated him into giving us tens of millions of credits, because he employed the rules surrounding trade written out in that game exactly as written. Was lots of fun for us, but it did break the game; and he quit playing altogether, as it destroyed his faith in the game.

Nigel writes,

This is an amusing anecdote about transporting porcelain and other easily broken objects

There's an expression in German, 'Alles in Butter' (translation in subject, meaning everything in fine) that comes from the porcelain industry here. Apparently, the porcelain was packed in a case, which was then filled with melted butter, to prevent breakage during transport.

Here's a German language Sesame Street equivalent youtube video.

https://youtu.be/xEGkBXmkkCk?si=2uEjTLfq0h3gRcjc

I thought that could be an interesting tidbit for your Streetvendor's Guide.

JB in Washington State writes,

Another good post, if an uncomfortable one to read. I imagine it was even more uncomfortable to write.

Yes, this happens. It has certainly happened to me. And the fallout you describe: dissolution of the group, fracturing or relationships, abstention from gaming, emotional distress...yeah, that all happened.

It's tough. We belong to institutions...like school, or a job. But they usually have "outs," steam valves that allow one to escape before the pressure gets to you. You graduate from school after a few years. You're free to quit your job and seek another. People throw you a party, wish you well (whether they mean it or not) and everyone moves on with few (if any) hard feelings.

Even the "family institution" has an escape path...if we have difficulty we can move out, and move away. We don't need to call or visit on a regular basis; we can keep difficult parents or siblings at a healthy distance (if necessary). Hell, if we can't get along with our spouse, we can get divorced and move on.

But gaming doesn't have that easy, acceptable "out." You're expected to maintain group coherency...with no real end in sight. You MUST be together, in order to participate in the activity. A person who would flit from table to table, or who shows up only irregularly, is considered "flaky" and, thus, an undesirable participant. Tables want players (and GMs) that they can "rely" on. And, as you say, any flaws/cracks are only going to get worse over time, regardless of the chemistry that initially adhered the group together.

That's a tough nut...and I'm not sure how to crack it (perhaps being as open, honest, and authentic as possible could help). But it certainly won't be cracked if the issue is never brought up and dragged out into the light of day. Thanks for posting.

_____

Thank you for your contributions.  If readers would like to reply to the above, or wish to ask a question or submit observations like those above, please submit to my email, alexiss1@telus.net.  If you could, please give the region where you're located (state, province, department, county, whatever) as it humanises your comment.

Feel free to address material on the authentic wiki, my books or any subject related to dungeons & dragons.  I encourage you to initiate subject material of your own, and to address your comment to others writing in this space.    

Patreon:  https://www.patreon.com/user?u=3015466. 

Catastrophe

Not a very pleasant post, yesterday, I know.  And I know that it seems out of place for D&D.  But there exists a considerable opportunity in D&D for players to see the DM as merely a tool or resource to be used for their benefit.  A player may have a deep passion for the game they play every week; they may count the days before play resumes, becoming excited and arriving in a state of euphoria and a desirious readiness to play.  It can be terrific to have such players, as their exhuberance can produce a lot of game momentum and make for a fine evening.

Unfortunately, this attitude doesn't necessarily mean that same player appreciates the effort, creativity or investment the DM has put into crafting their game experience.  Players are well able to take a DM for granted.  They may in fact feel no special connection or appreciation for the DM as a person ... while continuing to arrive ready to play, because the DM exists.

In many cases, both the players and the DM may initially assume that because there's a mutual appreciation and enjoyment of the game, everyone at the table also has an appreciation for each other. This may easily not be the case. It's a common assumption in any social setting, including tabletop roleplaying games like D&D, that mutual participation implies mutual appreciation. However, that assumption doesn't always hold true.

Both the DM and the players might enter the game with that assumption; and it might, in fact, be true at the outset. But as time passes, the individual nature of the participants can't help but undergo some kind of transformation, for better or worse. And steadily, over time, it may become evident that the latter is the case. The players may continue to show up and play because they enjoy the game itself ... or because they value having a regular activity to participate in. The DM might continue to run the game because they enjoy the process of managing the game, with it's back and forth and such.

It can be sobering for the DM to realise that things have moved away from what they once were ... and it's very easy to dismiss that feeling, to believe that it's overly self-conscious to doubt one's associates or friends, especially if the campaign has been going on so long that everyone's invested deeply into it.

Now, I tend to look at this from the DM's perspective, because I haven't played the game in about 35 years; but this can easily go the other way.  DM's can certainly take their players for granted, using them to sustain a campaign that's based on a tacit give-and-take that has, in fact, long since evaporated.  So anything I say about the players' attitude towards the DM, please understand that I'm equally speaking of the DM's attitude towards the players.

If anyone detects this shift, addressing it can be challenging.  Anything that's gone on for a long time, where individuals have been invested, is going to obtain a certain degree of calcification.  Seeking to engage others on the topic in a blunt, direct manner can produce an equally abrupt defensiveness and resistance from the other participants, potentially making it unlikely that discussion is going to resolve anything.  Even a softer attempt at broaching the subject is bound to produce some kind of undesired and possibly unwarranted reaction ... because we're mostly all on a hair-trigger and wary of a possible accusation.  We see accusations hiding in the bushes that aren't there, and are ready to call them out at the first suspicion.

So ... the truth is that the campaign can easily rot from within.  It's easy for A and B to accept C at the game table, while mildly casting disparaging comments outside the game; it's easy for C and D to do the same with E.  It's easy for B and E to have silent misgivings about the DM, yet continue to come and play because they like the DM.  It's just as easy for the DM to have those same misgivings about B, D and E.  And so it goes around.  The game continues.  Everyone continues to show up like clockwork.  But a low-level discontent begins to accumulate ... and once it starts, if it's not addressed positively, there's going to be an event.

The fallout from such situations will be significant, especially if the game has been going on some time. Catastrophic fallout from such situations can include the dissolution of the gaming group, fractured relationships among players and considerable emotional distress for all. People quit the game after this kind of fallout; and those that continue to play D&D never forget that it happened. Even when playing with a different group, in a different form of the game, the trauma remains, making trust with the new group difficult. There are feelings of betrayal and intense blamification [not a word] of the game itself, the edition or the genre, rather than attributing the fallout to actual people.

After it happens, there may never be an opportunity to validate the feelings of other people who took part.  Very likely some, most or all the participants involved may cut off all ties with the DM or with each other, depending on how the conflagration shaped itself.  A DM that's had a party explode like this may go months or years without intiating another campaign; they may quit the game entirely.

And here's the last point about it I want to make.  This isn't rare.  In fact, it's extremely common ... and it's rarely, if ever, discussed in the open.  There's so much shame and discomfort towards the event that most of us would like to pretend, first, that it has never happened, and second, that it can't to us.  That's not true.  Ignoring the prevalence of conflicts within D&D does a disservice to everyone.  It does not matter the quality of the DM, because this is about people, not one's ability to describe things or direct a game.  People are fuzzy, unpredictable things ... and yesterday's post was meant to outline how much of the time people function without being self-aware of what they're doing, why they're doing it, or even that they drew consequences for having done it.

Do not think that you, Gentle Reader, are exempt from this.  It can happen to anyone.
 

Victim Card

The term "victim card" typically refers to a situation where someone portrays themselves as a victim in order to gain sympathy or some form of advantage. This can involve stressing their hardships or past traumas in a way that deflects responsibility or justifies certain actions. Sometimes, it's used to manipulate emotions or perceptions in their favour, especially in conflicts or disputes where they may be at fault. Essentially, playing the victim card involves using one's victimhood as a tool for personal gain or to avoid accountability.

The danger of the victim card is that when someone relies on playing it, and others don't respond with the expected sympathy or support, it can lead to an escalated conflict or consequences that the "victim" isn't prepared to manage. This increases the alienation or aggrievement of the individual, so that any resolution that might have been obtained in the original disagreement is now well in the rear-view mirror ... and, in fact, a complete catastrophe is now in progress. A resolution is impossible, because any possibility of open or honest communication is gone. The accused party is deeply insulted and hurt by what they perceive as unfair manipulation or deception, leading to a complete breakdown of trust.

Meanwhile, the accusing party is put in a completely untenable position. If they double down on their original position, they risk exacerbating the conflict and further damaging the relationship. On the other hand, admitting that their original purpose was to seek advantage is impossible, since the original purpose of the manipulation for advantage was almost certainly to avoid having to admit to either a wrongdoing or a shortcoming. Doing so would require a significant amount of humility, vulnerability and self-awareness.

It's the self awareness that's at issue, isn't it? If they were self-aware to begin with, they most likely wouldn't have attempted the manipulation in the first place. Often, it's the lack of self-awareness that contributes to the person resorting to manipulation tactics. If they could accept a shortcoming in themselves, they'd just admit that and move on. If they were aware that the wrongdoing was their fault, they could confess it, apologise, and move on. But from the start, they're able to do neither of those things, because they've already begun to veer away from those self-aware discussions, long before the victim card is played. They've already chosen to manipulate as a form of self-protection ... which is how they see their position. "I am protecting myself." They're not even aware that they're doing this through manipulation. They believe they ARE a victim; and they believe that because, from their point of view, they've suffered the sorts of things victims suffer.

This articulates a very common and complex psychological pattern. Indeed, individuals who resort to this form of manipulation nearly always HAVE experienced tremendous moments of hardship, trauma and actual injustices in their lives. These experiences can deeply shape their perceptions and coping mechanisms — one of those being to accuse and attempt to control others who are around them. They see this as a way of asserting their own sense of agency or seeking validation for the pain they've suffered.

Unfortunately, the strategy of playing the victim card can be quite effective, especially if the accused person is susceptible to manipulation or lacks awareness of the dynamics at play. People who use this tactic often find they can rely on the empathy or guilt of others to aid them in avoiding accountability or gain sympathy ... perpetuating an ongoing cycle of manipulation and conflict. And because that cycle isn't sustainable, individuals who rely upon it find themselves increasingly isolated and unable to develop healthy, genuine connections with others.

Much, much harder, however, is when the someone playing the victim encounters a person who is not only self-aware but also skilled in maintaining their stance without yielding ground, possibly from a lifetime spent in a position of authority or in the military situations, the dynamic can become unexpectedly intense and distressing for the accuser. Having encountered someone who is plainly manipulative, the first response may be one of incredulity or disbelief at the accuser's attempts to garner sympathy. They're almost certain to feel a strong sense of resolve in standing firm against what they perceive as unjust or indecent behaviour, choosing to act unilaterally in order to protect themselves ... and being self-aware and secure in their convictions, has no need to seek validation.

But ... in a public confrontation, the "victim" appears to be the victim. There is no way around this. The demeanour of the defendent is, in fact, less emotionally engaged; lacking in either sympathy or support; wholly callous, cruel and — depending on what they might say — contemptuous in one degree or another.

Thus we have one of the most difficult situations that has arisen in our society, where individuals who manipulate are framed as "the good people" while individuals who stand for their beliefs and who refuse to be manipulated are "the bad people." There's really no way out of this conundrum. Sometimes I'm rather pleased that I'm only going to live another 10 or 20 years, as watching this situation evolve over the last twenty convinces me that when I'm 80, it wouldn't be a such a bad time to just bow out.

The Gentle Reader can probably guess that I'm in the middle of experiencing some of this nonsense. It is the reason that there was no Saturday Q&A yesterday, and not even the desire on my part to explain at this time that it wouldn't be written. Anyone who has been in my position, who is familiar with standing their emotional ground, who doesn't need validation to feel good about themselves afterwards, nevertheless cannot help but be affected by the toxicity and the pure, unpleasant foulness of having to deal with the situation. Our distress actually has very little to do with the accuser, who can be conveniently dumped on whatever human garbage heap that's available. Our distress arises from the disquieting unpleasantness that these people exist, that they're everywhere, that they cannot be wholly avoided and that they will never, ever, receive any of the counselling they so desperately need, nor the consequences they have so richly earned.

It's something that we, who did what we had to do to be better people, have to live with.

Audio Files

My players were amused by the recordings that I recently released these last two weeks, but they declined to be recorded again last night.  So I shall have to find some other way to become rich and famous through youtube.

Doings

The Streetvendor's Guide has been keeping me busy, so that as I've waded through the various wooden articles used to make tools and crafts, up to but not including musical instruments, I haven't had any time to map make or much else ... beyond the day job, naturally.  Not even for writing blog posts here.  But, it's been a good day, written a full page, edited nearly two full pages, worked some on the book's table of contents, worked some on the book's index, and even found time to continue my piano practicing today.

I haven't been able to take any video or audio of my learning piano, because I haven't any kind of stand and merely posing the phone on the edge of a table or on the piano itself gives very poor coverage.  For anyone who might wonder, I've learned from the internet how to do scales with both hands, with my eyes closed, and how to play Twinkle Twinkle little star, again with my eyes closed.  I practiced today to play the harmony with my left hand while playing the melody with my right, but while I get the concept, and can hear the positive effect pressing the right keys delivers, I can't do that at speed yet.  I can work my way through the song a few times to try to impress the pattern, but it's still patting my head and rubbing my stomach at the same time.  I'm in no rush.  I've had the piano just three weeks.  I do practice for a few minutes every day, longer if I get intrigued.  Did about half an hour today, struggling with Twinkle Twinkle and also trying my hand at Wenceslas.

I keep an eye on Patreon's chat window multiple times a day as well, which isn't difficult and which, for the most part, is empty of residents anyway.  Thinking about those erstwhile days a hundred years ago when I met Tamara in a chatroom, I used to dominate those conversations by typing quickly, forming my thoughts quickly, having way too much to say and basically drowning out those who might try to disagree.  I haven't written this yet, but Tamara got interested in me when she watched me disassemble a fellow online that was browbeating her; I didn't know her, but I rushed in, took the argument on and buried the chatter ... and she and I had a long talk afterwards, that day and every day, until we agreed to meet.  It's been 22 years now, since those events I wrote about here.

I'm saying I'm probably not much fun to talk to.  I must thank those people who contributed to the raising of my mood after my writing the last post.  I have a D&D running tomorrow night, I intend to record it, and hopefully do better in a few ways.  For one thing, the child is being given away to the other grandparents for the evening, so any conversation is going to be neglected by his personal take on things.  There should be more players there as well, and possibly some combat if things go as I expect.  The last running actually ended with the players arriving in Tomis and debating whether or not to shop there.  I imagine we'll start with a purchasing sequence tomorrow night.

Little has been said about the mapmaking feature in the background of the audio posts I've made.  My original recording actually goes right up to the completion of the area around Przemesyl, I just haven't obtained enough audio to reach the end of that work.  I'm rather surprised that it takes me so long to sketch these things out, since the time just flashes by while I'm engaged.  Anyway, I noticed with this video that I failed to put a village in a type-4 hex, and looking at it now, it's evident that I didn't do so in the as-yet-not-posted part of the video.  One of those things to be fixed in post, I guess.

Beyond these things, there's not much to say.  If any of my supporters wants to know what I'm doing, or why I'm not posting, it's the easiest thing in the world to go find me on patreon's "community": https://www.patreon.com/user?u=3015466.  Frankly, I'm surprised that some enemy doesn't pay $3 just to have the privilege of telling me to go fuck myself to my face.  Maybe I've run out of enemies.  If so, this is a good time to increase my youtube footprint.