Saturday, September 12, 2015


Why is the Fantastic Four shit?

At the 35 minute mark:

Iron Man:  Stark has fully built the suit and it has just finished booting up.  He's been shot, threatened, soldiers have died, things have exploded and we've been given a strong back-story about Rhodey and Obadiah.  We've already seen problems get resolved.  Run time: 2:06 hrs.

The Incredible Hulk:  Banner has been tracked down in Brazil, we've killed Stan Lee, the Hulk has ripped apart a bottling plant, we've covered the distance between Brazil and New York and we've been given a strong back story about Bronski and the General.  Banner is seeing Betty for the first time in years. Run time: 1:52 hrs.

Captain America:  Rogers is being injected with the serum.  He's been in the army, thrown himself on a 'live' grenade, made a connection with both Erskine and Carter and we've been given a strong back story on the Red Skull.  Run time: 2:04 hrs.

All good starts, with action and things going on, a multiplicity of events and we really care if the next efforts - Stark getting free, Banner avoiding the army, Rogers fighting the Nazis - actually happen.

And Fantastic Four?

We've seen Reed's machine work three times.  We know almost nothing about the four main characters and Doom, especially Ben.  Having invented the machine in the first five minutes we then have to see him reinvent the machine twice.  At 35 minutes three of the characters - and not including Ben or Sue - are drinking a beer, carping and reminding us that the Apollo spacecraft went to the moon.

Run time: 1:39 hrs.

They had 13 minutes less run time than The Incredible Hulk and they wasted a third of it accomplishing jack shit.

Um, wasn't there supposed to be some handbook that says, "Get this much plot line accomplished by so many minutes"?  Aren't we told that good movies are ruined by executives who insist on an action scene taking place at precisely 21 minutes or the love scene taking place at exactly 28 minutes - or whatever it is?

Apparently, that's all crap.  Executives just meddle.  They sure did in this one.  Hell, not only is Johnny Storm and his Daddy black . . . apparently he was raised in Compton.  How the fuck did that happen?  Especially since Sue still talks like a white girl from the Valley.


  1. How cool would it have been if they had simply set it after the last two fantastic four films and the young guy playing johnny storm was playing spiderman. This could have been a story about building a time machine to pursue doctor doom into the past.

  2. You just saved me $18 and a couple hours of my time. I appreciate that...thank you!


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