Sage Today: dosing

Content created in response to voting on my lottery page.  Please join in. Anyone can vote.

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Dosing imbues the character with unusual skill in dosing either drink or food with ingestive poison, so that the victim will consume the poisoned nourishment. The ability presupposes the character has the freedom to move and act in the company of the victim, such as acting within the confines of a tavern, while likewise attending a dinner or feast, at a public fair or other event and so on. So long as the character has some pretext for casually passing the victim close enough to reach out and pour out a vial of poison, the dosing can be done without trouble. Obviously, some consumable must be involved; the character may, if choosing to do so, provide food or drink with the poison already incorporated ... but the ability does not provide any assurance that the victim will trust the character, unless the character has taken the necessary role-playing steps in order to obtain this trust.

The ability also gives the character knowledge of how much dose to give, so that the poison will not be detected until it is too late. In certain cases, particularly with the most dangerous of poisons, the consumable to be poisoned must have a strong, potentially bitter taste. This may only mean waiting until such time as the victim chooses to eat or drink a food of that type, then slipping in to perform the deed.

Although the poison is consumed, the victim is yet entitled to a saving throw; a success indicates that only a small amount was consumed (perhaps due to the victim being distracted during the meal or in being convivial) before the poison was detected. A modifier of -2 to the victim's saving throw is applied by the dosing ability. This small amount will yet be sufficient to cause 20-50% of the poison's total potential damage. If the save is not made, then the victim has consumed enough to suffer the full damage of the poison.

There will be no doubt for those directly observing the poisoning to know the cause; to conceal the poison so that the incident will appear to have been death by natural or undetermined causes, the character must possess the subtle poisoning ability.

See Poisoning

Sage Today: interposing aura

Content created in response to voting on my lottery page.  I have also created the wiki page for the way of the dragon.

Please join in.  Anyone can vote.

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The interposing aura is enabled through training and practiced meditation.  The character is able to wield an unusual magical emanation, in the language of monks called "the dragon." This is more familiar to some as "wild magic." The aura thus created is both magical and invisible; the effect is to cloud the minds of enemy combatants so that they cannot attack — or have not the will to attack — from specific quarters as chosen by the character.

In game terms, this translates as closing off two sides of a combat hex, as shown in the image; the two sides chosen need not be adjacent. To evoke the aura, the character must spend one full round in meditation; this meditation has similarities to spellcasting, except that to break the character's concentration requires damage, and that a successful meditation can be attempted as often as desired. The character can take no other action during this meditation.

Once evoked, the aura will remain, so long as the character does not leave the hex; a stun lock that knocks the character out of the hex would be sufficient. Once in place, neither enemies nor allies will feel able to attack in melee through the aura — that is, hand-to-hand. Missile weapons attacks and magic use is not prevented. Though it is possible for the character to attack through this barrier, doing so will dispel the aura until it can be evoked again.

The aura does not conceal the character's presence or restrain enemies from moving to a place where they feel able to attack. The aura merely conveys a strong conviction that the character is impregnable upon any point where the aura is in place.

Take note that if the prepared character were to stand fast in a narrow corridor, or upon a bridge, they could deny an enemy the will to advance directly; however, an enemy would only choose to attack with missile weapons, no doubt forcing the character to give ground.

The aura will affect creatures, regardless of size or intelligence. The aura will not prevent attacks from above. Another character with the sage ability will be able to ignore the aura.

Sage Today: harvest poisonous herbs

In keeping with the vote I've installed on the lottery page, the asked for content today is completed (and copied below).   I also created and expanded the equipment notes page, adding 24 possible poisonous herbs with links, to that list.  Yesterday, I did some work with "set snares," and the day before that, with "find place."

Please join in.  Anyone can vote.

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Harvest poisonous herbs indicates that the character is competent to effectively gather all sorts of poison herbs, plants, fungus and other vegetable matter from a wilderness environment, with greater alacrity and scrutiny than might an ordinary person. The ability includes the character's awareness of more or less toxic varieties of the same approximate family of plants; even which specific plants are bound to produce more or less toxicity based upon the placement and soil where the plant grows.

Harvesting

This is best done at certain times of the year; flowering plants must be harvested from late spring until the middle of summer; seeds and fruits cannot be harvested until the last weeks of summer; some of these may be harvested even into the winter months. During the dry season of tropical and sub-tropical climates, gathering is reduced to 25% of normal. In temperate climates, gathering will fall by 20% cumulatively per week, following the 1st of August, to a minimum of 10% of normal.

The amount of poisonous herbs that can be gathered per day, during good seasons, equals one to four pounds of good materials — enough to make quite a lot of poison. The nature and species gathered is dictated by the player, so that all of it might be, say, belladonna, or it might be equally divided between belladonna and some other material. The limit in amount is not due to the lack of poisonous matter, but to the time needed to carefully collect and locate what's available.

The ability grants the character the ability to do this safely, using gloves, tools and containers that ensure the character will not self-poison while harvesting. This material is then assumed to be stored safely and managed carefully, so that cross-contamination with other substances and materials can't happen.

Species

It falls upon the DM to determine which specific herbs are available for harvesting in the character's locale. Many poisonous plants will be available throughout a given continent. Many poisonous plants will not exist in certain areas of vegetation — alpine highlands, deserts, steppelands and tundras are notable places where it may be difficult to find the amount of matter specified above, particularly if there is no vegetation at all. Decidious and broadleaf forests, on the other hand, will be a virtual Mecca with regards to exhaustive varieties of poisonous species. Some information about available poison plants may be found under equipment notes.

See Poisoning (sage study)

Wiki Lottery

As a strange and new experiment, I'm going to provide a list of sage abilities for which I have never written any proper content, and allow my readers to vote on them.  Thereafter, EACH DAY, gawd help me, I'm going to write up one of these abilities as a wiki page, as determined by the number of votes the proposed sage ability receives.

For the moment, I'm going to limit the possible sage abilities that can be voted upon to those associated with amateur-levels of knowledge ~ the sort that characters would start the game with.  I have a great many of these to write and they are the most important, as it is improbable that a specific higher-level sage ability would come into the player's possession.  However, if this experiment works out, I'll begin to add new abilities to the possibles list.  Hell, later on, I might start adding rules from other facets of my wiki.  It would be a very good thing if I did create one new wiki page a day, virtually in perpetuity.

A few caveats:

• There's a possibility that a sage ability I've proposed isn't possible, at least in the form proposed.  In which case I will have to rethink the ability.  If this happens, I will explain the problem and work on the ability with the next post.
• If some injury happens, such as occurred with my finger of late, I maintain the right to excuse myself from the task until such time as I'm able to continue (the finger is fine, by the way).
• Occasionally, I will need to take a holiday.  I will try very hard not to do this too often; and when I do, I will explain why I am not creating the wiki page.

Voting

All persons receive at least one vote.  Those who contribute to my wiki (and can demonstrate this, as I know many of you by your emails and not by your blogger nicks) receive two votes.  If you wish to make your identification clear without informing the internet, my email address is alexiss1@telus.net.

If you wish to vote twice for the same thing, add "x2" to your choice.

If you wish to change a vote, please write, "delete [choice] and replace with [choice]."

When I complete the writing of a wiki page, I'm going to delete all comments voting for that choice and remove that choice from the list (so don't include a long comment with your vote; write a separate comment if you have something to say).  Thereafter, you can vote again.  I will break all ties by voting myself.  Each day, I will update the list to show how many votes each wiki page has received.

This tactic is an attempt to get more people to support my Patreon account.  The harder I work, I figure, the more respect my patrons will have for me.  Larger patreon donors are sure to gain my vote when I break ties.

Here is the list I'll start with.  As time goes on, and I work on upgrading the new wiki, I'll add to this list.  Links describe "studies" ~ vote on the list of "abilities" listed after the study.

Architectural Aesthetics: building allure, recognition of style, site judgement

Athletics: kayaking, skating, surfing, throwing

Beachcomber: steershand

Blood: amend self (1), resist fatigue

Breath: fleetness, jump

Calligraphy: characters of beneficence

Claw: paired weapons, speed of blow

Clay Masonry: adobe, brickwork, kilnwork I, tile-work

Clay Materials: find clay, prepare glues & acids, ready clay

Concealment: burrowing, freeze

Construction:  construction tradecraft, foreman, simple design

Dragon: other self, protective aura (aut.)

Falconry: companionship, rouse to hunt (1), train falcon, waken regard
Fist: disarm, headbutt, pin

Foot: back kick, kick practice, snap kick

Fortification: defensive obstacles

Glaze: flux I

Guile: beggary

Hand: correct form, hammer strike, target strike

Insight: commune with magic (1), sense attention, sense vibration

Lockpicking: pin-lock (1)

Martial Discipline: artillerist I

Mindfulness: resist fear or curse, wakeful sleep

Moat: correct stance, evade missiles

Modelling: pottering, putty & knife, wheel balance

Murder: exhaustive questioning (1)

Oceanography: net fishing (1)

Pedestal: root feet, strength of the pillar

Poisoning: acid use, drain venom (aut.)

Puissance: close drop, gain proficiency, shield as a weapon, strengthened arm

Setting Traps: animal trapping, trapping pit
Smoke: back tumble

Tranquility: meditation, rested state, smile

Unarmed Combat: boxing

Use of Materials: material tradecraft, strengthen material

Wall: block pain, correct fall, invigorate body

Yin & Yang: backflip, drunken art, healing energy

(aut.) ~ indicates authority level ability.

Lance: pinlock, rouse to hunt

Pandred: commune with magic

Sterling: net fishing, exhaustive questioning

Vlad: amend self

Please vote.

Audiowork

As my finger steadily improves, and my doctor at last feels assured that I'm not going to lose the first two knuckles (which, apparently, was a possibility; though this was not relayed to me until it ceased being a threat), I have learned to type with nine fingers, again without having to look at the keyboard.  We must adapt to survive.

For months now I have debated the practicality of creating more podcast, acknowledging that I have no one with whom to chat.  I've listened to hours of people talking alone and it is always an effort.  The worst is people mumbling about themselves (as I'm doing now) and taking ten minutes to get to the point ~ which is almost always a class in how to be Captain Obvious where it comes to advice.  People talk too slow or hedge their opinions far too much; I get awfully tired of a podcaster who thinks enough of himself that he's going to make 200+ audio recordings of his own voice, but still feels the need to repeat some version of "your mileage may vary."  Personally, I'd like to think listeners are smart enough to figure that part out for themselves, and not think they're duty-bound to believe all that they hear.  I know that no one hesitates to tell ME that they disagree, without my giving permission.  Somehow, it only reminds me how desperately these podcasters want to be liked.

I have had more time to explore and experiment with the sound of my own voice, since I haven't been able to type which much ease of late.  I'm unsure of my voice and of my content.  I'm sure there's little chance of anything I have to say being popular.  My chief concern is that I don't run out of things to say after the first 8 hours.  Any such content, popular or not, will have to remain free ... but I do hope to use a podcast to draw in new followers and Patreon supporters, just as anyone else does on the internet.  I worry, however.  I've found that when I start talking passionately about D&D, my dissatisfaction with the state of play and with the content I encounter from other websites and the game's production company simply boils out of me.

I'm not sure why I'm so angry.  I suppose because I'm being told to believe in the blatant abuse of the game I love, or that I'm told that disrespecting the intelligence and free will of players should be business as usual ... and because I know that this is propaganda that's been disseminated for decades by the company.  I'm just as furious that cheating and lying to people has been used as a promotional tactic to sell the game to children, who have grown to be adults ~ who now defend this as a legitimate DMing approach.  The philosophy has become so pervasive now that parents raised to be these players are now teaching their own children that cheating with dice and manipulating the game's rules ad hoc are perfectly fine.  What sort of children are we raising?

This is not the only problem I have with the company's agenda.  I want to create a podcast with a positive bent, but I don't know how to silence myself entirely.  And because disparaging the company ALSO means challenging the myopic belief system of those grown-up children who fell in love with the company's products than with the game itself, I once again find myself in a place where any podcast I might put together will be as despised as I was when I first started blogging.  People, on the whole, have gotten used to me now.  They may not like me, but they read me, because they know there will be content here.  A podcast, however, means reaching out to a lot of people who have never heard of me, and pissing them off.  I hesitate to go down that road again.

But, I'm still me.  And the solution to the dilemma is to admit that I'm not going to produce a podcast that censors myself.  Which means, engendering enemies and swallowing that as need be.  I'm thicker skinned today than I was in 2008; and I think a podcast gives less opportunity for detractors to directly piss on the material presented.  Yes, people can go make their own content slamming me, but they can't slam me inside my content or on my page; and no advertising is bad.  There will always be people who hate us.  And there will also be those who appreciate what we do.  That is the first rule of the internet and of real life.  However many enemies we will make, we also have the power to gather together a family who will support our cause.  It does well to remember that.

I hope to have a preliminary episode up in a few days.  It isn't going to be great, but it will be authentic.  If we look at anyone producing quality content right now, we know their early stuff lacked the polish of their present work.  I have to believe that I have the capacity improve also.  I've already learned a great deal about audio in the last few years.  At this point, I've just got to leap forward, and stick with it.

Don't Look if You Have a Weak Stomach

I apologize for this.  But if you feel somewhat queasy at the sight of my finger, let me first say that I've been experiencing this personally for two weeks today.

This is the index finger on my left hand, which has turned septic.  I am on medication and I have full access to medical assistance; but I have been told this must run its course.  I feel that I've turned a corner, at least, as this looks better than it did five days ago.  Slightly.

These images show my finger after two hours of letting it drain.  It is all clean lymph and plasma.  No pus.

In any case, this is the reason I haven't worked much on the new wiki.  My apologies for showing the images.  I guess I feel I need some comaraderie.

South Carolina

Pardon me, as I write another short post about politics and not D&D.  There are things I'm never going to understand about the American electoral system.  There's a Democratic primary in South Carolina on Saturday, and a Democratic debate in South Carolina tonight, and every voice I hear is treating these events like they matter ...

But we know that South Carolina is absolutely going to go red in November, no matter who is running, meaning that every democratic voter's opinion about who should be the Democratic president is utterly meaningless ...

No Democrat in South Carolina at tonight's debate, or voting in Saturday's primary, will have dick to say about the next President of the United States ... so who gives a rat's ass who the fuck South Carolinians pick in the primary?  This week of discourse and babblejazz is a waste of goddamn air ... and I guess I just thought someone should say it out loud.  The candidates aren't going to, the news isn't going to and the internet seems dense as lead on the subject.

I get how the system works and why, historically, it was built this way.  What I don't get is why people are incapable of viewing the inanity of it intelligently.


P.S.
Consistent D&D content available for a $3 donation to my patreon account.

Health Care

In a few days, my partner Tamara is going to be sworn in as a permanent resident in Canada.  On that day she will receive the right to work, to own property, to run a business ... and to bring herself to any doctor in the country receiving patients and receive free healthcare.

Yesterday, because I have been unsatisfied with my doctor over the last six months, due to changes in his attention to his practice, I made a phone call.  My former doctor's office is 700 steps (according to my phone) from my front door.  I called a different doctor's office, in another direction, that is 1,100 steps from my front door.  I made an appointment yesterday for a "meet and greet" at 10:50 AM this morning.  I arrived and waited 2 minutes in the doctor's office.  I waited 1 minute in the examination room.  By 11:05, I had a new doctor, he had complete knowledge of my conditions from the national computer health system, he had addressed the finger I cut a piece out of on Saturday, and I had a prescription in my pocket for the ramapril I've been taking the last five months to lower my blood pressure.

People in America talk about a national single-payer health care system meaning, (a) they won't be allowed to choose their doctor; and (b) it will mean long wait times.

Bullshit.

It stuns me to think that, despite the 15 months of lawyers and jumping through hoops with Immigration Canada, and the money that involved, that suddenly my American partner is able to go to a doctor of her choice, have her eyes examined properly, have an appointment made to address her cataracts, then to have the procedure, with the participation of nurses, doctors, accountants, administrators and so on, without insurance and without it costing any money, simply because now she is not only an American but is also a Canadian resident.  And, point in fact, not a citizen.  She is not a citizen of this country.  Yet because I am a citizen, and because I have stood up for her, my country has agreed that I'm valuable enough to be personally serviced in this way.  My partner, my country says, deserves to be treated for free because she is my partner.  And that is the only reason my country needs.

During my university years, I took several political science courses at the U of C, particularly those relating to the history of Canadian politics and political theory.  One prof I had, Dr. Jacobson, was fond of disparaging John F. Kennedy, whom he saw as a doofus ~ not because he was a Democrat but because ~ as Dr. Jacobson would stress ~ he didn't understand the first thing about what a government is for.  In his opinion, Kennedy was famous for saying the stupidest thing ever said about government:

"And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you ~ ask what you can do for your country.  My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man."

Kennedy in the above pretends to speak for the country; but in reality, he's only able to speak for the country's government.  Americans are fond of saying that the president is the leader of the country, but in reality, the people of the country do not take their orders from the president, or from any other member of the government.  The government establishes laws and the people choose whether or not to abide by those laws.  But no one above the level of a police officer orders you to follow a law; and the officer does not give a good-goddamn what you can do for him.

We elect governments and create a bureaucracy in order that the government will serve US, and OUR needs, not the government's.  Deciding what needs are to be served is and ought to be above the government's pay grade.  When I, as a citizen, cannot go to my government and say, "I love this woman, and I expect you to keep her healthy so that we may be happy and live a long life together," then my government gives no more of a good-goddamn about me than does a policeman pushing me back behind a barricade or ordering me to the side of the road.  When I cannot make a reasonable request of my government and expect to receive it, then I am a slave.

If my American partner was living in America right now, that's what she would be.  But I fell in love with her, and brought her here ... and though I did it all wrong, and feared what my country might say about it, I've learned to my pleasure that, in fact, my country is here to serve me.  Dr. Jacobson was right.

When your American government tells you that you're only entitled to live when you give money to a private corporation, who will then decide whether or not you're healthy enough to insure ... when your American government tells you that you're entitled only to go to certain hospitals according to the private insurance you've had to buy ... and when you're told by your American government that the value of your life, and the life of your partner, and the lives of your children, is subject to the decisions of corporations and hospitals who are motivated by money, and not by your personal well-being, then you are a slave.

And when others rise up, and say, "Let's not be slaves, like other countries, who do not ask their people to subject themselves to the dictates of privately-driven profit," and still others make up lies about not being able to choose your doctor or about how long you'll have to wait before you receive care, and you do not see this as a scheme to ensure that you remain a slave, then you are not only a slave, but you are a fool also.

I, with Tamara, feel sorry for you.

Approved

As it happens, I have every reason to continue loving my country.

Following the situation we were in last week, Tamara and I have just heard from our lawyer, about an hour ago.  Following the receipt of the immigration landing fee, she is approved by the government to remain permanently in Canada.  The "interview" we have on the 25th is a rubber stamp.  We have to present ourselves together, to prove we're both here, but the result is a foregone conclusion.  She's approved to stay.

This has been a long 15 months, and a long nearly 18 years altogether.  As it happens, we still owe a thousand dollars to the lawyer, but on this there is no time limit (apart from being sure it does get paid in reasonable order).  After the ceremony on the 25th, Tamara will wait 2-3 weeks for her papers; and then we can begin moving ahead on seeing what we can do with the health care system regarding her vision and her diabetes.

We're all in a state of shock here.  Disbelief, I think, is the appropriate word.  We were told to go out and celebrate but we're having trouble letting go of the stick.  We were so sure this was going to end in a horrible wreck, the idea that it won't seems antithetical.

Still, here we are.  Happy.  Thank you, Canada.

Again with the New Wiki

Let me start by saying thank you to those who have jumped to support me, both financially and emotionally, in these times of troubles.  I am very grateful.

A good friend of mine has recently launched his web service company ~ and as a gift he's providing me with an unlimited traditional wiki.  It is live now, at http://wiki.alexissmolensk.com/.  This will be officially my fourth D&D wiki since 2009 ~ and hopefully I won't have to relaunch it again.  My friend assures me that whatever happens, he'll be able to continue hosting me.

This means that, as it did in early 2018, my wiki will be moving.  The plan this time around is to rebuild the wiki from scratch, since I don't have to worry about blogger going down.  In fact, I'll probably leave the blogger wiki active, for those who have made bookmarks and probably don't want to change them.

I've given this some thought.  The move last time taught me that shifting the content is a mere annoyance compared to shifting more than 10,000 page links.  My wiki is also 350 pages larger than it was two years ago.  As such, I've decided the first step is to create ALL the page titles up front, so that any existing page can be linked before the first actual content is copied.  This is about 1,400 pages; I was able to create 603 titles today (since about 1:30pm).  As it happens, coincidentally, I have a little time off as yet another restaurant undergoes a renovation.  This has allowed me to write more than usual this last week or so.

Going back to a traditional wiki grants me an improvement in tools that I've had to forego using a blog.  I don't know who remembers, but I looked into several wikis back in late 2017, only to find they did not have enough memory or that they had content rules that did not suit my needs.  Both of those restrictions are now gone.

A proper wiki enables me to search for orphans (nothing links to the page) and dead ends (the page links to nothing else).  It allows me to make changes without worries that the changes will be lost, as all changes are recorded in a history.  It means the content is no longer posted linearally, so that I can control what is seen first.  I haven't tested this yet, but I believe it gives me a menu so that the reader can skip down the page, like with wikipedia.  And, once again, since I can fix any bad changes that might be made, it means I can allow other people to participate.

Here's what I learned from previous volunteers who joined my wiki:

1.  It wasn't as much fun as they expected.  They learned that making rule and content pages for public view is taxing and somewhat less than emotionally rewarding.

2.  Wiki-design does require some experience and training.

3.  They found themselves intimidated by both my output and the quality of appearance I created, or so I was told, and this turned out to be discouraging.

4.  It is hard to invent something worthy to add.

5.  They did not want to bother me.

6.  Fixing grammar and spelling mistakes sucks.

So, I can offer a little advice.  First, the wiki exists to make an impression on the D&D playing world; as such, I want the wiki to look as professional and attractive as possible.  Like everyone else on the web filling up their instagram and pintrest folders, I am actively using a website to display rich, stylish pictures that I am best able to link to specific pages.  I am also working to standardize the tables that appear on these pages, in color and the utilization of white space and soft-gray borders.  A table that is tightly designed with hard black borders looks garish and unpleasant; but this is a problem that can be easily fixed, if the volunteer will ask me for help.

If anyone wants to be a volunteer, this is a priority:  interrupt me, engage with me, ask me questions, let me help you.  Design is really not that hard, but it comes easier if you treat it as a learning experience.

Apart from moving the content of 1,400 files, which volunteers can help with (if they want the experience), I have hundreds of hours of real content work that needs to be added to the wiki: monsters, spells, sage ability rules, history, herbs and medicines, magic items, etc.  For volunteers who might be interested, I don't need someone to invent new work by brainstorming ideas.  I need people who might be interested in rewriting all the AD&D 4th level mage spells, or researching falconry to figure out what sage abilities ought to be included; or giving a precise list of valuable (and very minor) in game benefits to be gained from berberis, comfrey root, gelsemium, hyssop, kelp, quince and white bryony.  I would prefer that these benefits were based on real myths discovered about the herbs, and not out of one's pocket.

Yes, any new work that anyone takes on would be subject to veto from me; or most likely some adjustment, major or minor.  It is a question of playability, actual game value being added, continuity with the existing system and general quality.  I know how intimidating that sounds; but it isn't a personal attack, it is a matter of my experience ~ not only my age, but the enormous amount of time I've spent producing content exactly like that which already appears on the wiki.  This could be a learning experience for the right group of volunteers ~ and what makes the right group is less a matter of genius and talent as it is a willingness to learn and see the world more thoroughly through research, adaptation and respecting the spirit of that thing being represented.

Before putting a page together about a monster, I spend a good deal of time reading about its behaviour, dimensions and habitat ... and paraphrasing carefully directly from the source material in order to translate it to D&D, rather than build a thing out of whole cloth.  This is partly why I'm able to manage so much content: because I'm stealing it directly from sources, adjusting certain phrases and details so it will fit a game world.  I can't teach this process; but I can identify when it is not being done well.

I would like some volunteers.  I need people who are willing to do nothing more than fix spelling and grammatical errors, find broken links, or add links to a page if some other page is referenced.  Or look at content and say, "Gee, that doesn't quite make sense."  And then try to fix it themselves, or come and find me.  You're not bothering me.  You're making the wiki better.  It is then my responsibility to help you make that wiki better.

If you want to join, for the present know that the first big task is going to be populating the new wiki.  That's dull, repetitive, boring work.  But I made 600 blank pages today; and I will probably make a hundred or so more before I go to bed tonight.  Dull, repetitive work is often how the greatest things get built: 99% perspiration and all that.

I'd like some help, yes.  But this is one thing where the quality comes first ~ and I will happily work alone, if need be, to ensure that quality.  As annoying as it is to keep having to build it again, I believe that my wiki is the best work I do.

18 Years

This is my 3000th post.

This, in addition to the 107 posts I have written on the closed blog, The Higher Path.  It has taken me quite some time to reach this number of posts ~ and as it happened, I did not notice myself approaching this number.  I only noticed with my last post, two days ago, that I was at 2,999.  Just in time, as it happened.

The subject today is not a comfortable one.  And it isn't about D&D.  I've been holding off writing it for exactly 15 months now ~ and even now, I can't tell the whole story.

Some readers will have been following me long enough to have heard the name Tamara.  My partner Tamara is an American citizen living here in Canada with me, as she has been doing since May 2, 2002.  We came here together after my living with her a month in Flint, Michigan, where she was when we met.  After that lengthy time, there was no way of our remaining together without coming back here to Calgary, as at that time my daughter was only 13.

At first, we did not know for sure what to do.  Tamara came into Canada at a time when U.S. citizens did not need a passport to cross the border.  Still, we knew that sooner or later people here were going to notice that this non-citizen had been in the country for at least six months ~ at which point we feared our being separated.  I will tell you frankly: neither her nor I could bear the very idea.  And so we did the very best thing we could do: we did nothing.

Whether that was right or not became a constant discussion of the first years of our being together.  In the end, knowing it was wrong, we loved each other.  We still do, more deeply than we did then.  And so Tamara stayed here and we made an agreement very early on.  In order to keep from compounding one wrong upon another, Tamara agreed that while she was in Canada, she would not get a job.  She would not work under the table.  This would mean that whatever I did, I would be forced to support her, no matter what.

And so I have, these last 17 years.  If some readers have wondered from time to time why I seem to be perpetually in a situation of dire straits, this is why.  Throughout the 2000s, I had good work; and I had a very good job for the first half of the last decade.  But it has been five years since I have been able to find a proper office position, most of that time being dominated by the fall in oil prices, which has produced a recession here in Alberta that will not go away.  Since 2015 I have been forced to work a series of low-end, largely restaurant-based jobs, doing things like cooking or customer service, just to make ends meet.  If it had not been for Patreon, we wouldn't have made it.

Progressively, Tamara and I have become older.  I was 37 when she came to Canada; she was 43.  Today I am 55 and Tamara is 61.  And as we have both aged, this mess we put ourselves into has become increasingly more difficult.  No one ever did turn up to oust Tamara from the country; but health issues have meant that from time to time I've had to pay for things out of my own pocket, because while I have health care, she does not.

This came to a head in July to October of 2018.  At that time, Tamara began to develop cataracts, a clouding of the lens in the eye which leads to a decrease in vision.  We looked into how to have them treated, which informed us that ~ even if we had the money ~ the procedure could not be done in Canada on a U.S. citizen because it was considered optional.  This meant, to manage the issue, we'd have to send her back to the States.

She has no family there or connections.  And we haven't the money to set her up properly to live on her own, particularly as she was finding it increasingly hard to see.  So we took the next best option, as of November 2018.  We came clean.

We sought out a lawyer and explained our situation.  For these last 15 months, we have been jumping through hoops in the hopes of retaining immigrant status.  This has so far cost us about $5,000 ... which we have managed to pay through austerity, hard work and (about 10%) with the help of Patreon and direct donations.  It has been a year of self-denial and a great deal of stress; and yet, steadily, we've gotten closer and closer to our goal.  This, despite the very real danger that we will be forcibly separated after being together for 17+ years.  And worse, Tamara has been reduced to where she is forced to get about with a white cane, to let cars and others know that she can't see all that well.  I am right here, beside her, making her as safe as I can; but progressively, we're losing this battle too.

On top of all this, we found out through the government examining Tamara to see if she had a communicable disease (standard policy, as most immigrants are just arrived from overseas) that she has diabetes type-2.  As I say, our age is catching up to us.  I'm fine and healthy; I recently had a full battery of tests to check me for cancer and what else, but I'm good to go for a while longer.

Writing this today, we're closing in on the last step.  Tamara managed to obtain her first ever passport from the United States in mid-January, which included our travelling to American soil (so-called) at the U.S. Embassy in western Canada.  Thank the spirits the office was in Calgary and not in Vancouver, Winnipeg or Edmonton.  I don't know how we would have swung a trip like that.

And now we have an interview to meet with the government immigration officer on February 25th, to look us over personally.  We've been together so long, I don't think there are any questions they can ask us that won't produce positive results ~ but of course we're both scared and stressed out of our minds at this point.

And we've also been asked for an "immigration landing fee" of $490.  To be produced by the 22nd.

We don't have it.  My friends might, but I've been around the horn once already and most of them are hurting from the recession also.  The tradespeople I know are struggling to hold onto their property as their facing constant and inconsistent layoffs.

I can't afford to take an advance from work.  There'd be no way to pay for March.

And so, hat in hand ... can the reader help?  Can you make a donation?

I don't need all of it.  I'll get whatever I need from someplace, one way or another.  Supporting Tamara all these years, I've learned how to eat hand-to-mouth ambidextrously.  But I have turned to the internet in times of troubles before ~ and you've come through for me before.  I apologize that I have to ask again.

Please.

I love her.


UPDATE:

Please do not donate.  We've received the money already.  I'm on the verge of tears.

Boosters

"We are participating in these massive experiments in behavioral psychology; organizational behavior.  We are the lab rats."

"Change itself really overwhelms people's brains and it does really bad things to people ... when you think about new antidepressant drugs; when a pharmaceutical company develops one, you can't just test it out on humans and see what happens.  So they start them out on rats to see if they work.  But then the question becomes, how do you make a rat depressed ~ to see if the antidepressant works? ... they had to come up with something and this is it: unpredictable chronic mild stress protocol.  All they do is make tiny changes in the rat's environment.  So you tilt its cage a little bit; or you change its bedding, you put in wet bedding; or you put in shavings that have urine and feces from a different animal, from a different rat; or you might change the cycle of night and day to throw it off; or play sounds of a predator bird for ten minutes and then stop ... you just make small changes, but they have to be unpredictable."

Dan Lyons, describing his book, Lab Rats

I strongly recommend the whole video; Lyons is an excellent, relaxed speaker and a realist.  I haven't read the book yet, but the premise fits my own experience with working in office environments, particularly the sort where training sessions and purposeless work was de rigueur.

I find the above piece interesting, as it suggests that anti-depressant drugs don't actually remove depression; they simply stop you from caring about the momentary discomforts and inconsistencies that cause stress.  This explains so much about the behaviour of those friends I've had who were put on anti-depressants, as was my first wife, after she became a quadrapelegic.  They don't "free" you to think positively about things.  They simply cause you not to care about the constant changes going on around you.  I should go to the hospital because something is wrong?  Whatever.  The boss has cut my pay by 20%?  Sure.  My team won the superbowl?  Meh.  Anti-depressants even you out; and apparently, since they're designed to help this rat live in some other rat's feces, that makes a lot of sense now.

 Lyons talks about the effort that companies make to sell you on things as "amazing experiences," innundating the discussion with allusions to other people who were moved or changed by this experience you're about to have, or how this seminar revitalized other players in the industry, or how hugely successful people swear by this technique or that "tool" where it comes to their success.  This tactic is said to work; it is said to achieve results; but if you've never been a part of a company seminar, allow me to bring you up to speed.

First of all, the person who BUYS the seminar is never part of the group who TAKE the seminar.  You take it because you're told to, because your job is at stake, and you are not given a choice.  You're also told its for the good of the company and success and all that, but you don't go because it's good for the company.  You go because it's your job.

Secondly, the people who enjoy seminars are the same people who plague their co-workers' lives with frivilous noise that steadily becomes antagonizing.  For example:  I once worked in a payables department of a 350+ retail chain, on a floor with 125 other people.  And every time someone on the floor had a birthday, a birthday party was organized.  With this many people, it means (with some double and even a triple-birthday) that you're being asked to leave your desk for twenty minutes in order to a) sing and b) cheerfully participate.  The sort of people who love to organize birthday parties are work love seminars.  Let's call these people "boosters."

Yes, it is just like Office Space.

As a seminar-selling company representative, it is your job to sell the boss on the whole "this would be great for the company" spin, so your boss knows what to say when it gets sold to YOU.  And then, it is your job to pretend to like it, while being around a small percentage of boosters who actually like it.  Boosters are nobodies; they never get promoted past a minimal management position, but they are always the first to report any lack of enthusiasm.  Guess how much fun this is?  Yes, that's right.  It is like laying in a cage full of someone else's shit.

On every level, reading most online content related to D&D is chock full of boosterism.  The pattern is somewhat predictable.  Begin with a good hard sale of the game preferably by connecting it with some very recent cultural phenomenon, like Stranger Things or Game of Thrones.  Nevermind that D&D dwarfs these things in staying power, we must first prove the game has legitimacy by attaching it to something hugely popular with scads of people who will never play an RPG.

Next, talk about how hugely popular D&D is.  Yes, okay, we just had to put a crutch under it's arm to give you a reason to care, but that just proves how HUGELY popular this roleplaying game is.  While pitching the game on its merits, be sure to talk about the vast number of genres and mythologies it embraces, and how wonderful it is because of all the complexity and imagination of structure in includes.  Don't worry about saying this, because in the very next paragraph we're going to talk about YOU won't have any problem at all stepping into the game and becoming instantly popular with your friends.  After all, it uses just pencils and paper!  It's not like it's so complicated it needs modern technology!

From here, it's all over the map.  The dice are fun, there are all these great books, the new character sheets get rid of any need for you to do math, and hey!  You don't need rules.  Rules are for suckers.  And so, just like that, you're ready to play!  Yay you!

I know a lot of these web pages pitch so hard because they're selling something on the side: dice or sheets or whatever.  Most of the comments are obviously sock-puppets because there's a scam being sold here.  But I also know that a fair number of the commenters ARE actual players, because we see these same people on every post in the game's blogosphere.  Someone writes a fairly humdrum, middle-of-the-road post on running an elf in a campaign, with no new ideas, pretty much the same stuff we can find in Dragon Magazines forty years ago ... and someone comments, "Great article!  Best ever!  I can't wait to run my next elf!"

I find myself raising an eyebrow at that recently appeared rat turd and thinking, "There's no way that's mine."

Now, I will measure my commitment to this game, its concept, its value and its brilliance against anyone's.  I don't just talk, I do.  And if you, dear reader, were to sit across from me at a table and ask me to talk about D&D all night, I will talk your ear right off your head.  But this boosterism is crap.  The game's genius is not based on how cool the elf character is.  It outclasses garbage television sputum on levels I can't begin to describe ~ as evidenced by the graveyard of ex-fantasy television shows and films that a very few still remember (all once used to boost D&D).  I don't think it is particularly relevant to sell dice and character sheets to would-be players ~ that's like being concerned with what the boss gets out of the seminar we're being forced to attend.

What I do think is there is a small number of people who simply like to boost stuff.  Who also, unfortunately, know how to find a keyboard with their fingers.  They don't really care what they're boosting ~ in a year or two it will be whatever the new show is on Netflix or Disney+ ... and five years after that it will be whatever pyramid scheme they've got themselves into.  But this is what's come across their plate right now so damn it, they're going to boost this to the moon.  It's a damn pity they never seem to have any real, useful advice to give ~ that is, that hasn't already been written down or vlogged by a hundred other people already.

I'm sorry to say this; it sounds like an excuse or some Aesop's Fable, but the boosterism is certain to break hearts.  Thinking about those seminars, that small, sarcastic crew I inevitably found myself standing with did hate those long afternoons, but hell ~ we were being paid and we weren't dumb enough to fall for that crap.  The boosters were just riding the wave.  The really sad group, however, were those young enough or desperate enough to try to buy into the bullshit.  They didn't know what the kool-aid was, they didn't know why they were drinking it, all they knew ~ or thought ~ was that if they wanted to get ahead in the business world, they had to really buy in and believe.  And I don't doubt that there are hundreds of thousands of tombstones in the hearts of little children who built up their hopes, bought the books, paid the emotional cost for admission and ended up feeling stupid ... and ashamed to admit they ever tried to play.  I don't doubt there have been millions of pristine copies of D&D books and modules, at $60 a copy,  that were pulped or found their way into landfills, because the spines were never cracked often enough to get beat up with playing.  I'm sure those would-be DMs, who were told, "It's surprisingly easy to get into the game," learned instead that it is surprising how little real information or help they were given, once they had the books in their hands.

I'm sure, because I've met these people far, far more often than I've randomly met real players.

Of the five people at work (besides myself) who have an interest in D&D, one DMs.  One used to play but hasn't played in two years.  And three have never played.  They'd like to.  And they've asked me to run them.  But I can't do it because I simply cannot take on another campaign; and I can't fold these people into the campaigns that are already stuffed.  There's no point in giving them one game, because what would that accomplish?  Should I invite you over to my huge, palace-like house to swim in my pool and hang in my jacuzzi, only to tell you it will never happen again?  I'm not that kind of asshole.

Ten thousand boostering webpages and all the flippery they sell will not fill the hole inside people who always wanted to play but could not learn how.  It's just making kool-aid and pushing it for these people to drink, "for their own good."  I know now that what's needed will never come to pass: D&D has become one of the worst scams on the internet ... and I often feel ashamed to have ever been any part of it.

I've tried to change that.  I've tried to build an island of sanity.  But it is a very, very tiny island; and not at all on the radar.  It cannot compare with the cacophony of voices screaming how wonderful it is that the game is complex, and how wonderful it is that the game is so easy to play.

Maybe writing a blog is my form of anti-depressant.