Breaking Through This Block

I'm in a funk.

For me, that means not wanting to do much of anything.  Such moods strike from time to time, typically lasting for two-three weeks ... sometimes less if I can create the right circumstances to shift myself back into gear.

These used to worry me in my teens and twenties, but I've learned enough to recognize what's going on.  I'm not "bored."  I'm not having a crisis of purpose or doubt about my abilities.  Creativity is like a gas pump — it goes dry.  A great big pump can fill up dozens of projects and make them run a long time, but sooner or later if something doesn't come along, that gas won't last forever.  That's where I am just now.  Dry.

There isn't any reason.  A creator can go crazy coming up with reasons, blaming it on some convenient recent happenstance, world events, injustices, job changes, someone else's job changes, relationship troubles, the relationship going well, the season, Christmas, the weather, a new pair of shoes ... oh, there are lots of reasons.  I believe firmly that this is a "blame game" ... and that there's no one and nothing to blame because, in fact, we sometimes just need time.

If the pump metaphor doesn't work for the reader, then try this: any creative endeavour will necessarily make use of what we've heard and what we know.  Call this input, or "gathering."  It takes a sufficient amount of input to create output.  We can call this output "creating."  Get locked into a mode of constant, rigorous output, and the time taken creating is not time gathering.  If we don't gather, the supply needed to create is starved.  So one day, for no particular reason, we go to the pump and it's dry.

My problem today, and for a week now, is getting the pump filled.  If I had a contract at the moment, it wouldn't matter if the pump were full or not; that's doable — but from experience I know it's unpleasant and stress-making.  I'd rather get myself pumped before I'm put on the spot again ... and get to creating for my other projects besides.  And so ... reasoning that others relate to this, I decided to outline a few strategies that I've employed effectively in the past.  While getting a blog post written at the same time.  Let's go through them.

1.  Distraction.  This is almost useless, but it's the easiest strategy and therefore a good place to start.  Sleep is a distraction.  Getting a good meal is a distraction.  A few hours with a video game, a movie, a night out, walking the dog ... all distractions.  Any creator will say that when getting stuck on a problem, put it down, do something else, then come at it fresh the next morning.  This works.  It really does.

Problem is, when the pump's dry, it doesn't work at all.  It's six nights sleeping on the problem, its 30,000 steps walking the dog, its a dozen movies and three dozen meals, and nothing's changed.  Wednesday we spent from waking up in the morning until bedtime playing ONI, so that all we feel is very, very guilty.  But not in a mood to work.  Thing is, the "distraction" is what we're doing when it begins to dawn that this isn't a problem that can be cured through distraction, like all those tiny problems.  This is bigger.  As such, the distractions have to be more productive.

2.  Work.  Obviously, you're not creating something deep and intense so this means doing the sort of work any human can do.  Unfortunately, the work you do at "da yob" is either sucking out your wee daily provision of creativity or your will to live, so that's no good; nor is housework, errands or fetching people and things; these things are ordinary and dull and won't motivate you.  You need a knock to your spirit; a shakubuku — the breaking of negative patterns in one's thoughts, words and deeds.

You do this by spending more time with yourself, not less, while minimizing distractions.  Yes, this means meditation ... but given that most people don't meditate regularly, starting now is a bad idea.  A better method is to go on a long walk, by yourself.  Physical exercise works too, but chances are you won't do it more than an hour, and I'm saying a looooong walk.  Three or four hours.  Long enough to make your feet really hurt.  Long enough you have to sit down once or twice because you're tired.  One that makes you think about everything.

Truth be told, sitting in one place for three or four hours will do, but ask yourself: can you sit in one place, by yourself, out of your home, for three hours?  And not start a conversation with a stranger?  Because that's a distraction and the idea is to be with yourself.  Assuming you can stand yourself.  The walk just gives the added sense of accomplishment ... and in a time of not feeling like getting stuff done, accomplishment is a plus.  So push to accomplish distance.

3.   Go through the motions.  This is what happens if I get a contract in the next few days (which is likely).  With my campaign world, there are dozens of projects I can pursue that don't take much creativity; though they are boring.  Many of these I've transferred to the wiki, such as spells, monsters, descriptions of places and such, all of which involves minimal encyclopedia-like writing, editing, rewriting the words of other sources, etcetera.  Off wiki, I can work on maps or the trade system; and with these things, I mean specifically jobs that require no more effort than plugging numbers into boxes.  The world being enormous, and the various systems I've devised to express the world, means that there is lots and lots of pure monkey work that doesn't require a brain, only an effort to be accurate.

In earlier days, before progressing past such things, I used to invent encounter tables, equipment lists, treasure lists, pre-prepped NPC characters (wasted so much time with that) ... even copying sections of the game books or from other materials.  This sort of work was at least "constructive" in a sense, and would often give me ideas of some more complicated notion to pursue.  Such moments of insight were the gas pump being filled.  Copy enough text from an encyclopedia or technical book and ideas are bound to sprout, since what's being done is "gathering."

Lately, though, it's harder for me to feel motivated to go through the motions, as described here.  Much of my game design has become complicated enough that it demands seriously problem-solving and creativity to move forward ... the thing I don't have just now.

4.  Make something bigger and better.  This is the best strategy, since it produces the best immediate evidence of accomplishment.  Take something that already exists, like a map or a table, an existing description or a dungeon, and expand it.  If you have a map that's three feet wide, with an 1 inch = 20 miles scale, start on a project of making that map nine feet wide.  Guess what could be used to fill in the enormous white spaces that appear and thus intensify the impact and value of the map.  If you have a dungeon with nine rooms, and three pages of description, expand it to twenty-seven rooms; expand your description.  Deepen your tables; multiply them.

The benefit is that you've already created the skeleton for a much larger beast than you've got.  You don't need to invent new ideas; you only need to advance your understanding of something you've already got.  You're taking a story that you've already written and exploring the characters on a deeper level.

You may find these things difficult or impossible to do.  That doesn't matter.  Try anyhow.  Remember, the goal is not to make the expanded version, the goal is to get us back into a creative state of mind.  The goal is to kick aside the ennui.

There is a fifth strategy and I'm doing it now.  Talk about your lack of motivation with others.  Explain it in depth and why it troubles you.  This helps too.  I'm feeling just now like maybe there's something I could do this evening.  I'll give it a try.