It's Visceral

"The thought occurred to me whether most of the folks so keen on 'banning' this person could stand up to the same scrutiny if applied to their sex life, and they have made one's 'sexual relationships' somehow the central part of the hobby of role playing games, are they really prepared for that?"

~comment by Branduan, related to a post on Blood of Prokopius

Forgive me, I feel the need to be political.

It is telling that this notion, that we are all guilty, has become an argument for those opposed to the #MeToo movement and as regards anything that ultimately holds a public person to account for their behaviour.  We're told, just as Zak S., the person in question here, is being vilified on account of details that came out in February 2019, you're not innocent, dear reader.  Why, you're probably just as much a rapist, a liar, a smug shithead, a toxic internet troll and a potential victim as Zak is.  And one day, you too will be caught!  Your name will be dragged in the mud.  And when that day comes, you'll be sorry you didn't stand up for Zak.  You'll be very sorry.

This has been a little pedantic, and the way I would explain it to a child ... but the concept is so bitterly infantile that it seems appropriate.  I've been in two internet conversations in the last month where someone directly attacked me with this argument ~ and of course, without acknowledgement that I might not be the cretinous liar and scumbag under discussed.  It is convenient for the argument that the maker can feel perfectly justified in calling anyone out, since clearly (they would argue) evidence isn't needed to find a person guilty.

Point in fact: Zak's guilt isn't relevant.  I recognize that it seems his guilt should be relevant, given that it would be a tragedy that he lost his reputation, his readership, his design associates and much of the future he had planned over a scheme directed at him by ... hm, how to put this so that it sounds like Zak is innocent ... a group of lying, nasty ex-lovers of his with an axe to grind, for lols.  [sorry, for my money, that sounds fucking ridiculous ~ but for the sake of argument, let that sit].

But it is not relevant because this isn't a court.  And Zak's popularity is not based on his innocence.  Zak invested his popularity whole hog in the very same women who are kneeing him in the balls, whether justifiably or not.  Zak put his head on the chopping block.  And Mandy hit it with her axe.

This doesn't seem to sink in with the apologists.  Frank Mentzer, another recent case, banked all of his credibility on his association with Gary Gygax, his ability to write game content and his friendly association with people in the RPG community.  And then he deliberately, whether or not innocently, went around pissing off people in that same community, swinging the entitlement he felt about the work he'd done, while failing to get a recent kickstarter off the ground and failing to pay people for work they'd done on his projects.

You just don't do that.  His reputation was built on people liking him.  His reputation was built on completing projects.  If you fuck up those two things, while letting yourself get dragged into a dumb bulletin board scrum, making wild threats against non-celebrities, it is going to bite you in the ass.

He didn't mind his business.  His guilt is irrelevant.  His actions suggest that people really shouldn't like him.  Being liked and not being liked are not subject to court cases, innocence before guilt or whether or not the haters are being "fair."

Here's a big fat shock for people who want to argue philosophy about the virtues of forgiveness and charity, or who want to warn us that the terrible Sword of Damocles hangs over all our heads.  We feel entitled to make up our minds about whomever we want, in any way we want.  We don't need a reason. We don't need to explain ourselves.  It isn't logical or rational.  It's visceral.

There are a lot of people on the internet that hate me.  I haven't used any women to make my blog; I haven't threatened people on bulletin boards.  I haven't tried to use my influence to get anyone banned from anything.  I don't have any influence.  Because I'm very much disliked by a great many people.  I don't feel they have a good reason to dislike me.  They don't know me.  They don't know how generous I can be or how quiet and peaceful I am.  Nevertheless, they feel very much, absolutely, that I deserve, truly deserve, the burning fire of their hatred, given that I occasionally crap on 5e or because I write mockingly about storytelling or heroes of theirs like Coleville.  I'm a nutjob.  I'm a fucking asshole.  I'm grouchy and self-centered.  I'm narcissistic.  I'm likely autistic.  I have mental health issues and I'm sociopathic. These are all words that have been used to describe me by people on twitter and elsewhere ... and that is the tip of the iceberg.

If hate is the only criteria, why am I still here, and not being haranged right now, while Zak and Frank are being burned in effigy?

I hitched my wagon to this blog, my work ethic and my philosophy.  I did not hitch my wagon to porn stars.  I did not film myself with porn stars as a means of achieving fame.  And I did not then give those same porn stars a reason to knock off my head.

I presented a philosophy that some readers could appreciate.  I don't exploit these readers.  I try to teach.  That's all.  If someone can somehow expose me to my readers as "not actually being a teacher," I'm in terrible, terrible trouble.

I can't imagine how my sex life would be relevant.  If my partner Tamara starting writing truly awful letters about me, I don't doubt that my readers would have reason to pause.

But here's the thing:  tomorrow, Tamara and I will have been together for 17 years.  It's our anniversary.  We're rather overmuch in love with each other.  Of all the things in the world I have to worry about, being stabbed in the back by my love is not one of them.  I suppose that's very difficult to imagine for a lot of people to imagine ... that two people can be so much in love, that their lives can be so tightly wound together, where the pain one feels is immediate felt, and healed, by the other.  If my "sexual relationship" became a huge thing online, Tamara and I would sit down, turn on a mic and spend quite awhile talking about it, until others would understand exactly where we were with that.

That won't work for #MeToo "victims" like Zak.

Guess why.