DM: The guard denies you passage. The guard does not like you.
Fighter: Did you roll?
Fighter: Did you roll a dice. To see if the guard likes me.
DM: I don't have to. The guard doesn't like anyone.
Fighter: Anyone? The guard doesn't like anyone. The guard doesn't like his mother, his brother ...
DM: None of those people are here right now. The guard doesn't like anyone trying to get past him.
Fighter: And you know that ... how?
DM: I decided it.
Fighter: So basically you decided to screw us.
Mage: Will you just drop it?
Fighter: No, I won't. Okay, we wait for the next guard. How long until the guards change.
DM: It won't do you any good.
Fighter: Why? Does that guard hate everyone too?
DM: Look -
Fighter: That's awful convenient. I think it would be marvelous to have perfect guards that have absolutely no chance of liking anyone they meet. Where can I rent these guards? Is there a storefront?
DM: I'm just saying -
Fighter: The guard hates me and he hasn't even met me yet.
DM: If you don't like the adventure ...
Fighter: The adventure is fine. It's this perfect guard thing.
Thief: What difference does it make?
Fighter: The difference is, we pay this guy ten times his monthly salary, just 30 g.p., and we get to the other side of the wall in the next ten minutes. Otherwise we have climb down into the moat again, find the secret door, wade through fifty yards of muck, fight another giant crocodile, climb up a 70 foot greasy metal ladder, make checks, and come out into the same stupid corridor covered in slime and grease and stinking like a garbage pile. Now I want to know why I have to do all that because this guard 'hates everyone.'
DM: Okay, fine. [rolls] The guard doesn't like you.
Fighter: Oh, now, what is that?
DM: I rolled.
Fighter: You're behind a goddamn screen. How do I know what you rolled?
Mage: I don't care about this. Let's just -
Fighter: I care.
Mage: You're just complaining. What difference does it make?
Thief: The croc was good experience.
Fighter: You really want to fight another croc? Screw that. There's good experience right here. And I'd rather get it not smelling like a gong pit. PLUS ... if we don't smell, we're going to have a LOT less trouble sneaking up on Paulo.
Fighter: How do I know you're not just rolling a dice to make me shut up?
DM: I rolled a dice. That's it. It's settled. The guard will not take a bribe.
Fighter: It's not settled. You're just unwilling to consider any alternative.
DM: You're not going to tell me how to run my world. It's my world -
Fighter: - And what you say goes. We've heard that before.
DM: Well ... I am the DM.
Fighter: And so what? I'm supposed to just fuck around going through whatever crap you want because you can't be bothered to say there's at least a chance we could bribe the guard?
DM: There was a chance. I rolled a die.
Fighter: That is such bullshit. You never intended to roll a die in the first place. You only threw the die to shut me up.
DM: Look. This is how it goes. I don't care if you like it or not. This is my world, and if you don't like the way my world works, you can get out.
Fighter: So that's it. No negotiation.
DM: Not with this guard, no.
Mage: Can we please stop fucking around and play the game?
Fighter: Shut up. I am playing the game.
Mage: You're bitching about the game.
Fighter: I'm trying to keep from being fucked over by the DM because he likes it when we do things his way. He's got something waiting in the damn sewer this time, and now that I think of it, I'll bet you all my freaking dice it ain't another crocodile. The only goddamn thing he cares about is getting to throw it at us.
DM: That's not true.
Mage: I just want to play. [to the thief] Are you with me?
Thief: Yeah, sure. I don't care.
Fighter: For the love of ... I want to play too. I just want to stop feeling like the only two options I have is to do what I'm told or to quit playing.
DM: You've got lots of options.
Fighter: Name two.
DM: Well, first of all, you can go down to the moat.
Fighter: That's one.
DM: The second is that you can go talk to the old woman.
Fighter: That's not an option.
DM: Yes it is.
Fighter: No, it's not. You told us we had to talk to the old woman anyway. We have to talk to her after we get the stinking Cup from Paulo. What good does it do to talk to her before we get the Cup?
DM: Well, she knows other things.
Fighter: But we have to talk to her anyway. No matter what happens. Before, after, it makes no difference. We'll still have to get the Cup, and we'll still have to go through the damn moat. It's not an option!
DM: You can do one or the other.
Fighter: We have to do both anyway. Oh my god.
Thief: Let's just get the cup. We can figure out what else we can do after.
Mage: Come on.
Fighter: Oh ... fuck. All right. We go down to the fucking moat.
DM: Good. It's dark now, and you can see the shine of oil slicked on the surface of the moat, gleaming in dim rainbow colors ...