tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3871409676946408069.post6806586780387557126..comments2023-10-14T03:58:59.333-06:00Comments on The Tao of D&D: Rash ActionsAlexis Smolenskhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10539170107563075967noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3871409676946408069.post-27392120784455404062009-11-19T21:55:48.789-07:002009-11-19T21:55:48.789-07:00That type of integrity is one of the reasons I rea...<i>That type of integrity is one of the reasons I read this blog (that and its interesting)</i>.<br /><br />Took the words out of my mouth! Oh, and I like the map posts, too.<br /><br />As for myself, fortunately no physical ejections so far. But then I've tended to run in much smaller gaming circles (I've maybe gamed with fourteen people <i>total</i> in the last 20 years, and never all at once), so I guess that cuts down on the odds a bit.David Larkinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04133630988557116729noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3871409676946408069.post-21971132133961624612009-11-19T08:43:57.621-07:002009-11-19T08:43:57.621-07:00Its a rare thing for someone (especially in todays...Its a rare thing for someone (especially in todays era of glorifying changing ones opinion or seeing flaws in past actions as "flip flopping") to be able to take an honest view of their past actions and share it with others.<br /><br />That type of integrity is one of the reasons I read this blog (that and its interesting)Zzarchovhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07714805545939725730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3871409676946408069.post-23149280080076119322009-11-19T02:09:15.509-07:002009-11-19T02:09:15.509-07:00Yes, thanks for this. I have never had to boot an...Yes, thanks for this. I have never had to boot anyone, but I have had individual sessions devolve / implode over interpersonal conflicts between the players. Once, two players' PC's attacked each other due to such conflicts! <br /><br />I am a pretty selective pre-screener of players; I get to know the people I ask into my game, and I do not lean on them very hard to show up. That way, only the committed ones do.<br /><br />Thanks for so boldly addressing the interpersonally weird moments that inevitably occur in this hobby.Carter Soleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01286436801953647693noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3871409676946408069.post-14056446781452907562009-11-18T16:54:50.751-07:002009-11-18T16:54:50.751-07:00I'm impressed that you handled both situations...I'm impressed that you handled both situations on the spot and in person, even if there were better ways to deal with it (obviously one on one in private would be ideal) - anytime I have a straggler or a complete do-nothing-dud for a player I just "end" the campaign, then restart without telling said individual. Hooray for confrontation anxiety.Rhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00433823836676600019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3871409676946408069.post-2960789116469608462009-11-18T16:41:23.755-07:002009-11-18T16:41:23.755-07:00I've been at tables as a player where I though...I've been at tables as a player where I thought another player crossed a line (or several) but never had the unfortunate experiences like those you've listed - it is good that you saw the need to take action and did so without equivocation.Ragnorakkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03812860633134547618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3871409676946408069.post-2257521193872744842009-11-18T15:58:32.699-07:002009-11-18T15:58:32.699-07:00One campaign consisted of both my brothers, one of...One campaign consisted of both my brothers, one of my oldest friends, his wife, and another buddy. We were in a very dicey section of the campaign and everyone was on their best game...except for my middle brother, who had shown up for the game three sheets to the wind after getting off his job at a local bar. After infuriating responses from him during some critical party actions, I announced we would have to hang it up for the night or my brother would have to leave because we weren't gaming with him anymore that night.<br /><br />Things got rough as he became beligerent (he wasn't going to leave and I wasn't relenting on my decision), and the table cleared out with everyone backing away as we began shouting at each other, about ten seconds away from a fist fight. Then my younger brother launched himself at us and got us both in a bearhug...and what could we do then? We had a group hug and I told my brother I loved him and he needed help (he was pretty much becoming a functioning alcoholic at that point because of his job at the bar). <br /><br />Needless to say the game broke up that night but disaster was near averted because of my youngest brothers quick thinking. To this day I still game with my middle brother (who is a productive member of society, how about that) and he's been a part of almost every campaign I've run in the 30 years I've been gaming. Who knows what would have happened had the situation escalated into a brawl....but luckily it didn't. Other than that I've never asked someone to leave a table although I have made it a point not to invite people back.Badmikehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06199830751033032585noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3871409676946408069.post-36741777181013922292009-11-18T15:12:28.033-07:002009-11-18T15:12:28.033-07:00Excellent post. I have never had to kick anyone ou...Excellent post. I have never had to kick anyone out of any of my campaigns, but I have chosen not to invite some people back to the gaming table. <br /><br />Fourteen people in your campaign at one time, really? That would drive me insane.John Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05940190831705865182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3871409676946408069.post-88118315454817446422009-11-18T14:34:29.114-07:002009-11-18T14:34:29.114-07:00This is a terrific post, Alexis. This side of the...This is a terrific post, Alexis. This side of the game is rarely explored anywhere, yet I think we all have these experiences. This darker side of the game, of complex social interaction, peer pressure, social normalizing and group dynamics is a badly under-represented topic on RPG blogs or gaming materials. Everyone has gamer horror stories, but few of them face them head-on with introspection, regret and the voice of hard-earned experience. I'll post about my own experiences soon.<br /><br />Regarding throwing Cal out of your house, having been in Cal's place, I suspect he saw that your friendship was at an end and he did not want to accept that. Rejection, especially un-reciprocated rejection is very hard for a normal human to take, let alone a socially awkward human. That's why he didn't want to leave. That's why he fought you throwing him out. Of course, I can't say for certain because I am not Cal and I was not there, but that's why I refused to leave and why I fought. However, I was 10. I would handle things differently now, and have since. Rejection still hurts, though. I just handle it better now.<br /><br />I'm in complete agreement with you regarding when to drop people from your game. "Managerial Actions" as I call them, need to take place away from game table, and in private. I ran a 14 player game, too. I never threw anyone out and never asked anyone to leave. I re-focused my game night from a house party where D&D is played to a D&D game where we take breaks to socialize. That shift in combination with the changing winds of life whittled my group down to a more manageable 8 and then 4 and then back up to 6.<br /><br />When someone or someones ask me to kick a player because "they suck" or "nobody likes them" (i.e. passive-aggressive bullshit on the complainer's part) I try to explain to them that that person is the social outlier in the group. Yes, they are a little odd, but we all are. That person just can't hide it as well as the rest of us. Once they are gone, the group will re-focus on the next social outlier, and that person might be you, someone is going to come to me and ask me to kick you because you suck. So, are you sure you want me to kick them?<br /><br />That said, I will kick people for being dicks or assholes. I will kick people for behavior that does not contribute to a dedicated gaming session -- in other words, being a hindrance to the game or harassing the other players, but I will do it after the session (unless it's an emergency, which thank the universe, has not happened).<br /><br />I really love this blog, Alexis. Thank you.Original_Carlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03521777462227997158noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3871409676946408069.post-14557187837921809522009-11-18T14:14:53.489-07:002009-11-18T14:14:53.489-07:00Thanks for this post.Thanks for this post.Michael S/Chgowizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02052820400496340137noreply@blogger.com