More accurately, 50 wiki pages of monsters, because I'm not counting cases where I created both the ordinary and giant version of monsters (three types of crocodile), I'm not counting extra links to describe the details behind devils and demons and I'm not counting the dragon posts at all that began this recent effort, for the merest OCD reason that they're not in order and therefore they don't count.
Nor am I counting work I didn't do at all, for it should be noted that Tim has contributed work on firenewts, floating eyes, giant frogs, large frogs, huge frogs, killer frogs (though killer frogs are appearing in my online Juvenis campaign, Tim went with a traditional description) ~ so many frogs! ~ gargoyles, gelatinous cubes, hyenas, moas, ostriches and rheas. Ozymandias has hunted around for a wide variety of very helpful pics. It has been a great effort.
The hardest moment came when I was sent this link related to Pathfinder. The sender's motive was meant to be encouraging, but I have to admit that I'm simply not capable of producing this degree of content: I don't have the resources and I don't have this much help. As such, seeing it laid out, then comparing it to my meagre effort, is somewhat soul-crushing ... I can only sustain myself by seeing that pages like this description of the bedlam are filled with such gobblydegook and functionality references that the actual content is tedious and arcane ~ unless you happen to play pathfinder.
I want to believe that the material I'm producing is both accessible and suggestive, even if you don't play my system or don't play at all. I couldn't even steal from the Pathfinder source ~ I did a listing on black pudding and there was nothing in the Pathfinder version's "ecology" that wasn't basically described in my original monster manual from 1979. That's not much forward development.
Here I hesitate. I'm not certain I should bring up this next point; it smacks of self-importance and egotism, of which I'm accused all the time and which I don't wish to confirm. But the way I feel about that huge Pathfinder wiki ~ is that how the Gentle Reader thinks about me? Am I, well, not exactly crushing souls, I haven't created that much content, but am I undermining your desire to work on stuff?
Okay, you'll jump down my throat and tell me "fuck no," and believe me, that's a good thing. But I know how I felt after I saw that Pathfinder wiki and it was totally a sense of "oh gawd, why am I even bothering." It was three or four days before I could get myself to work on another monster, and then only because I said I'd do 50 before I quit ~ and shit, if it didn't happen that the last two monsters were a demon and a devil.
I could have done something else, a caribou or a coffer corpse, something beginning with C, to satisfy my OCD. But I meant to go through the monster manual before doing other things (though I cheated and added the giant bat). I could have done two demons, but I had planned to do one type of multi-type monsters like demons, devils, dragons, giants and such, though I meant to do all the versions of the natural multi-types, like beetles, bears, snakes, etc. For whatever loony, mentally bastardized reason, I found myself sitting at 48 monsters, with Demon and Devil in front of me, this miserable doubt cast by the Pathfinder wiki kicking me in the face and I just felt ... bleh.
It's been tough finding the motivation to dig through the demon and devil and make sense of those types, to give them character and motivation, and to get out of the doldrums of "just another monster." I'm glad I did, I'm glad I had the source material, I'm glad people liked the work (the wiki numbers were really high) and said as much. So great.
It isn't that unfair for me to ask if others have had this experience with me ... or, obviously, with everything else that's out there in the universe, encouraging you not to work on your world because why, jeez, what for, it's all be done already, even if the doing was kind of rotten. Why do all that work just to repeat work that's already been done?
I guess, for me, it at least teaches me something. It at least creates a problem that I can solve and learn about things in the process of solving. But gad, yeah, sometimes it just feels like I'm a little flea picking at the skin of a dog that's going to scratch me onto a carpet just before the vacuum of Mrs. Nature rolls over me.
Well, fifty monsters. Yay. Sort of. I could probably do another one. A displacer beast is fairly straight forward.